Teach Mom Learn

Going back to work after family leave is never easy for anyone. 

Maybe you’re adjusting to your new schedule because trying to get yourself and your child up, ready, and out the door early is much harder than you imagined. Maybe you’re uncomfortable leaving your baby in childcare because you’re so used to being the one who cares for them most. 

Or maybe you’ve realized that all you really want is to be a stay-at-home mom, but you, like many, many others, simply cannot afford to be one.  I’m in the last category, and the adjustment back to work was not an easy one despite the fact that I genuinely love my job. 

I’m lucky, my husband and I are both teachers. We get more time off than most people. I get to spend time with Rae in the early mornings and in the late afternoons.

I ended up working from home for 5 months after my maternity leave was scheduled to end, so the longest I was away from Rae in the first 9 months of her life was a few hours.

Far too many moms have to go back when their babies are less than 3 months old. I spoke to one woman who returned to work full-time 6 weeks after her baby was born. I genuinely don’t know how she did it, other than probably focusing on the fact that her job was a necessity for her baby’s health and safety.

Many parents have a difficult time transitioning back to work after family leave. And leaving your baby to go back to work is hard enough by itself, but the pandemic adds a layer of anxiety to this transition that no parent needs. But that’s where we are.

When I first went back to work, the simultaneous novelty and familiarity distracted me quite a bit.

I enjoyed setting up my classroom. I plastered the bulletin board behind my desk with photos of Rae and made a collage of 81 photos from her first 8 months for the front of my planner.

I stocked my desk with my favorite survival snacks (Black Forest Gummy Bears for the win!), and I threw myself into redesigning my lessons to be hybrid-model friendly.

That distraction, as well as the excitement of seeing my friends and students again, kept me in a good place for the first few weeks of in-person work.

Soon enough, reality set in. I resented the job I loved, and I regretted every moment of time spent away from Rae because I felt like I was missing her entire life. 

I was bitter, angry, and depressed for a long time.  And I was especially angry at myself because I didn’t want to waste the time I had with Rae each day being upset about the time I missed.

Now, 6 months in, things are better.  Working has become our normal.  I definitely look forward to school vacations more than ever before, but I also enjoy time spent in my classroom with my students and colleagues.  

I’m happy I can share this with you as proof that with time, it will get easier and better. 

Here are some strategies to help ease the transition back to work:

1. The reason I don’t want to work is the reason I need to work. This was my mantra during those early weeks.

It’s a reminder that working enables you to give your child a home. It is the reason you can pay for their food, diapers, wipes, clothes, and toys.

It will eventually be what allows us to let them pursue their passions, whether it’s sports, dance, art, music, or something you haven’t thought of yet. It will help you build their college/trade school fund.

Knowing you’re working to give your child the life and the opportunities they deserve helps you focus on all of the wonderful things you have to look forward to.

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2. Find something to look forward to at work each day.  No matter how much you may resist the idea of going to work at times, there is definitely something to look forward to every single day. 

For me, it’s my students.  They bring me so much happiness every day, and I feel lucky to work with them. 

Take time to reflect during each work day and find the moments that bring you joy.  And if you want to be intentional about this, write them down in a small notebook or start a joy jar. 

Focusing on the positive parts of your job will make you more excited to be there.

3.  Set meaningful goals. Going to work every day is much more interesting if you’re working toward something you care about. 

Maybe you want to work toward a promotion, or learn a new skill, or get better at that one thing that’s always challenged you.  Or maybe you really want to save up for a vacation with your family or some work clothes that make you feel confident. 

Make a plan to accomplish your goal and start taking steps to make it a reality. 

4. Learn when to say no. This was a particularly hard one for me because I am an overachiever and feel like saying no to an opportunity is the same thing as admitting failure.

Of course, this isn’t true, but it’s a hard thought pattern to break. Instead of volunteering for every opportunity in your inbox, focus the limited time you have on the commitments that really matter, whether they’re for work or for your own self-care.

It’s nice to be able to devote adequate time to the activities you really care about rather than spreading yourself across dozens of commitments you’re only slightly interested in.

5. Block in time with your baby. Last fall, we did our very best to set aside a full day of uninterrupted baby time each weekend.

We snuggled, played, and went for walks, and I let Rae nap on me instead of in her crib. And then, in the late afternoon, we did special family activities like walks and ice cream in our favorite spots or trips to the beach. 

While it isn’t always possible to dedicate an entire day to family time, try to do it as often as you can. 

6. Ignore your phone during baby time. Once I get Rae home each weekday, I have about 3 hours before she goes to bed. This is precious time, and I want to focus my attention on her rather than Instagram, the news, or my texts.

I haven’t quite mastered the ability to ignore my phone completely for the 3 hours, but I’m working on it! She loves having my undivided attention while she plays, and at this point, she develops a new skill every day, so I love not missing any more than I absolutely have to. 

One helpful strategy I’ve found is setting the ringer to loud and putting the phone in another room.  That way, you’ll hear if someone is trying to reach you, but your phone is far enough away that you won’t go get it just so you can scroll. 

7. Get Fit with Your Child.  Between work, taking care of your child, and sitting down for the 5 minutes of free time you have each day, the gym may be on the back burner right now. 

However, there are tons of ways to spend time with your child and stay fit and healthy at the same time.  You can go for walks or runs with the stroller. 

Also, there are tons of great (and free!) mom and me workouts on YouTube.   It’s much more fun to workout with your child giggling and squealing, and they make great weights!

Here are some other ideas for self-care activities you can share with your child.

8. Plan ahead whenever you can.  This one is a huge help.  Mornings are nothing short of chaos, so it helps to do everything you can in advance. 

Shower at night, do your hair ahead of time, and pick out your clothes in advance.  Pack up everything you and your child need for the day and put it next to your car keys. 

Meal prep for breakfast and lunch.  These recipes for egg cups from Life Made Sweeter are easy, delicious, and toddler-friendly.  For lunch, I find yogurt, granola, and fruit to be the best solution. 

Bottom line -if you can do it ahead of time, don’t leave it for the morning.  It’s much easier to focus at work if you haven’t been running around like a crazy person for hours before you even arrive.

I hope these strategies are as helpful for you as they have been for me. What helps you get through the work day? What helped you adjust to working mom life? Please share in the comments below!