Teach Mom Learn

As a special education teacher, I often work with children seriously lacking in confidence. They’re the kids who have been consistently viewed as problems, the ones who watch their classmates easily move through curriculum while they struggle. They come to me defeated and frustrated, and it’s my job to change that.

I spend 4 years with the majority of my students, and in that time, my goal is always to make them see how valued and valuable they are. And the best way to start is with the right words.

The phrases I’m sharing today are helpful for children to hear in any setting. Use them with your own children, your students, or anyone else you think might need a boost, regardless of their age.

1. “You should be so proud of…”

This is one of my favorite things to say as a teacher. Kids should do things for themselves, not because I want them to. When they succeed, it’s important to remind them that they should take pride in their accomplishments.

There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m so proud of you.” But by shifting the pride to the child, you’re allowing them to take ownership of their work. Telling a student “You should be so proud of how hard you worked to solve that problem” helps to build a narrative in their thoughts.

When they tackle a difficult task, we want them to feel pride. By explicitly telling them what they should be proud of themselves for, we help them to develop thought patterns that will hopefully last a lifetime.

2. “I’m just happy…”

Kids often apologize for things they don’t need to. They place a lot of pressure on themselves, and what they really need from you is acceptance.

I always try to give students grace because no matter how things appear on the outside, we never really know what’s going on at home or in their minds. You never know, you could be the one adult who seems genuinely happy to see them that day.

So before getting upset about something frustrating, consider whether it’s worth adding negativity to your student’s day. Chances are it’s not. So instead, focus on the positive.

The next time a child apologizes for being late or absent, respond with, “I’m just so happy you’re here now!” When a child apologizes for late or subpar work, respond with “I’m just so happy to see what you’ve done!” If a child apologizes for doing a chore later than they were asked, say, “I’m just so happy you remembered it now!”

When students (or your own children) understand that you genuinely care about them and value their contributions, they actually work harder. They feel accepted and safe to take appropriate risks because they know you won’t make them feel badly about themselves. And that will help them to grow.

3. “Thank you for letting me help you”

Asking for help is hard, and so is knowing what you don’t know -especially for teenagers! Seeking help requires self-awareness, self-advocacy, and honesty. These are all skills we want to encourage!

When a kid comes to you for help, it’s because they trust you. They know you’ll support them rather than making them feel inadequate. This trust is a privilege.

After you work through the challenge together, use this phrase. Add specific details about what you enjoyed working on, or share something you found especially impressive about their work.

By helping your child or student through these vulnerable moments, you’re building their skills and confidence and reminding them that they have a support system in you.

4. “What can we learn from this?”

Kids make mistakes all the time (and so do adults, for that matter). If something was an accident or a small lapse in judgement, coming down hard often isn’t necessary because the child already knows what they did wrong.

Instead, turn to growth mindset. Don’t look at it as a mistake, look at it as a learning opportunity. And more importantly, treat it as a way for you to learn together. That way, they won’t feel alone as they navigate the challenge.

Kids need to know that it’s okay to make mistakes. They’re going to happen no matter how perfect they try to be or how carefully they plan. They also need to understand that mistakes are a normal part of life and actually lead to character development.

By reframing a mistake as an opportunity for growth, you’re allowing your child to accept their flaws as part of their progress.

5. “Remember when…? And now …!”

We need to explicitly tell kids about their progress. They’re so often caught up in the middle of everything that they can’t take a step back and see how far they’ve come.

Be clear with your child. Use humor to remind them of how difficult things were at the beginning. If your kid struggled to learn to ride a bike, remind them how they used to fall down all the time.

At school, if a student struggled with solving equations, use their old work samples to show them where they started. I love essay portfolios for this reason too. Showing students their September work in June always builds their pride.

By focusing on growth, we validate that new things are hard, and that’s okay. But we also show our kids that no matter how things were in the beginning, hard work and dedication can make them far easier.

Bonus: Specific compliments!!

Using specific praise is a great way to build children’s confidence in an authentic way. You can say “great work!” as much as you want, and that is helpful, but singling out individual traits or accomplishments is far more effective.

Also, don’t be afraid to get mushy. They’ll cringe or act like you’re over the top, but your words are meaningful and will stay with them. You never know when a kid is in need of a little extra support, so why not provide that for them today?

If you see a child being a kind friend, point it out. If they’re working hard, compliment their effort. If they were extra nice to their sibling, let them know that you see them.

What are your favorite phrases to empower your kids? Please share in the comments below! And for more tips on confidence, check out these tips for raising confident daughters.