Teach Mom Learn

I’ve been a special education teacher for over 9 years now, and I spent years volunteering in schools before that. I love my job, and working with my students every single day brings me immense joy.

They’re some of the kindest people I know, and I’m lucky enough to work with them for four years. I see incredible growth in our time together, both academically and personally. They also crack me up on a fairly consistent basis with their brutal honesty and lack of filter.

As a teacher, and as a toddler parent, I would strongly argue that keeping a straight face is the hardest part of my day. Working with students, communicating with parents, collaborating with colleagues, and keeping up with crazy amounts of paperwork are nothing compared to holding in a laugh when something unexpected happens.

Here are the top 10 most unexpected moments of teaching career so far:

10. It was the first day of a new school year, and I was in the middle of a highly planned lesson in front of a parent and advocate who had decided to observe that day.

My student suddenly stood up and shouted, “F*** you, b*****, I ain’t f***** your man! He’s old and decrepit anyway!” before flashing smiles at me, the parent, and the advocate and flouncing out of the room. 

Later, the student shared that their inspiration stemmed from the episode of Love & Hip Hop from the night before. A part of me was more than a little impressed with their use of “decrepit.”

9.  I went to say goodbye to a graduating student. He suddenly pulled me into a tight hug, planted a kiss on my forehead, and told me in his Sonic the Hedgehog voice, “You love me.”

8.  I once bumped into a former student at the drug store who stopped his work just to tell me that he couldn’t wait to go to heaven someday so he can meet the voice of Big Bird. 

“That’s a long time from now,” I told the then-24-year-old.

“Obviously,” he told me with an eye roll, “don’t you think I know that? I’m planning ahead.” 

7. At my first teaching job, we had a pool the students could use in the summer. We went in the pool to help monitor safety. One day, I made the mistake of asking a student to get out of the pool so I could help her get changed to go home before I had gathered up all of her stuff. 

She obediently hopped out of the pool right away, and as I bent over to pick up her flipflops, I heard dozens of audible gasps. I turned around to see that my student, in an effort to be helpful, had pulled her one-piece bathing suit down to her waist. 

Lucky those flipflops could be used as a shield to cover her up!

6. I once helped a student revise an essay on an ancient war hero. The essay was well-written, and he included tons of historical detail.

However, during the editing process, I actually uttered the following sentence: “Buddy, there should be a comma in between disemboweled and decapitated.” 

He obliged, and then asked me to move on to the next student in his usual polite manner, “That is enough of your female tyranny! I wish to be left alone!”

Not going to lie, I had to briefly step into the hallway to “check my message board” so he wouldn’t see me crack up.

5.  One day at recreation time, I asked my student to get off the swing so we could go inside.  He immediately followed the direction.

Then, he suddenly shouted, “Titanic, a James Cameron film” into the imaginary police radio in his hands, charged at me and kicked me 3 times in the shin before running top speed to the football field.  

4.  During recess on a beautiful day, I was sitting at a picnic table playing games with my students. Suddenly, a boy in another class ran up to us. He shouted, “Get a load of this!” and pulls his pants (and boxers) down. 

My female students had a lot of questions that day and we used it as an opportunity to talk about boundaries and safety.

3.  A very angry student was screaming profanity at everyone who passed her. My colleague and I attempted to calm her down, but we were not successful.

Instead, she suddenly began repeatedly yelling, “You have a penis!” to me, and “You have a baby in your belly!” to my male colleague.  

2. I once spent 45 minutes helping three students into their bathing suits, one of whom was not cooperating.

I could hear my coworkers laughing outside the door at one point as I loudly told the student, “No, you will not leave this bathroom naked!” as he charged, Superman-style, toward the door. 

Then, when we got to the pool, he made it 97 seconds before pooping in the water. Immediately after his suit had fallen down. Clearly, the pool was not my friend.

1. I was once held down in the street (by my hair) by a topless female student in the middle of January after she decided to try out some of the wrestling moves her older brother taught her. 

It took 10 minutes for 5 coworkers to get her off me, and we definitely traumatized a few innocent passersby. Luckily, I wasn’t injured. I just lost about 10 pieces of hair.

After all these experiences, I truly believed nothing would ever faze me again. But instead, life has a way of providing consistent surprises. Between parenting and teaching, there are always new moments to add to this list.

When my newborn passed gas while peeing and sprayed me in the face with her pee (I didn’t know girls did that!) (Actually, I didn’t know anyone did that!), I could laugh it off. Now that she’s a toddler, no public meltdown will ever cause me embarrassment because all these years of teaching has eclipsed embarrassment from my emotional spectrum.

Being a teacher and a parent means that, no matter what phase of my life I’m in, nothing will ever be boring. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For more on teacher life, check out these 9 Things I Wish I Knew as a New Teacher. And for some great laughs, nothing beats the Bored Teachers YouTube account!