Teach Mom Learn

We are coming to the end of what has definitely been the strangest school year ever.  Whether you were hybrid, in person, remote, or a mix of all 3, it was definitely a year no teacher, parent, or student will ever forget. 

This year taught us a lot about persistence, flexibility, and the fact that no one ever stops learning.  But it’s also a reminder of how much I have learned, and how grateful I am for those lessons.

Today, I want to share the best lessons I’ve learned in my 8 years of teaching.  I hope they help you!

1. Effective parent communication is key

Parent communication can be a source of stress for new teachers.  Teachers want to form meaningful connections with their students’ parents because ultimately, everyone has the same goal -helping the student succeed.  When you are able to work well with parents, you can work as a team to help the student.

I’ve been exceptionally lucky with the parents I work with.  They love their kids and want the best for them, and when issues come up in the classroom (and trust me, they do every year in every single classroom), they’ve always been willing to help.

Over the years, I’ve gotten a lot of great advice about how to communicate effectively with parents, but I’ve also learned some helpful strategies along the way.  Here are the best ones I have:

• If it’s longer than a paragraph, make it an email.

This is advice I received from my administrator.  He is an exceptional communicator to the point where kids who get pulled into his office to be given detention often leave smiling.  This is because he’s direct, fair, and treats everyone like the adults they are (or, in the case of our students, they almost are).

When you find yourself struggling to explain something to a parent and your explanation is dragging on and on, think carefully about whether this conversation should happen over email.  If you’re just being too wordy and the issue is simple, cut it down to the essential information and email away. 

However, if the issue is complex, take the time to set up a conference and call home.  It’s easier to communicate over the phone because your tone will be clear in your voice, and any questions can be answered right away rather than going back and forth in a series of emails.

If you’re in a situation where you need a paper trail for any reason, simply send the parent a follow-up email after you end the call.  Reinforce how wonderful it was to talk to them and including a brief summary of what you discussed, as well as any follow-up actions to be taken.

• When you have good news, put it in the subject line

As a special education teacher, I often reach out to parents when their children are struggling.  Because of this, I always make it a point to also reach out when their children are doing well.  For the parents who often receive emails with difficult content, I know that my emails popping up in their inbox are sometimes met with anxiety or dread.

When I’m emailing home about something good, I make sure to put “Good News!” right in the subject line.  That way, the parent knows right away that they have something to be excited about. 

• Focus on what your students really need

Sometimes, difficult situations come up in the classroom, and you have to meet with administrators or parents to create a plan to solve a problem.  In these situations, remember why you are coming together to work on this.  Keep your concern for the student in the center of your mind throughout the conversation.

A lot of times, when a student is having frustrating behaviors, it’s human nature to focus on what they’re doing wrong and why that isn’t going to work in your classroom.  In these moments, take a step back. 

Ask yourself, “Is this normal for this student?” and most importantly, “What’s really going on to make this student act out?”  I’m a firm believer that there are no bad kids, just challenging circumstances that cause them to act out. 

As a teacher, you can’t possibly fix everything in your student’s life.  But you can be there to support them.  If they know that you care about them and that even if they act out, you will still care about them and value them, they’ll know they have at least one adult in their life they can rely on.  And as a bonus, they’ll actually behave better in school. 

2. Give yourself time to adjust

I always tell new teachers to give themselves at least two school years to adjust to a new school.  The first year, you’re going through everything for the first time and it’s all new, overwhelming, and hopefully wonderful.  The second year, you go through it all again and actually have the presence of mind to take it all in.

New teachers aren’t the only ones who need to adjust.  Even experienced teachers need to give themselves grace every school year.  For me, the 1^st quarter is always my adjustment period. 

Whether you’re teaching a new grade, a new course, a new unit, or the same material you’ve taught before, it’s still going to be a new experience.  You have new kids and new dynamics, and districts always have new initiatives.

Going into the new year feeling like you have everything under control is great.  But an even better mindset is that that you have everything you can control under control, and when unexpected things come up, you can handle them.  Because you can handle anything!

3. Leave work at work whenever you can/you are allowed to have a life

Teaching can easily become an all-consuming job.  There’s lesson planning, paperwork, grading, and then club advisories, coaching, mentoring, chaperoning, games, and so much more. 

Plus, your students become “your kids,” and they are in your mind all the time.  It’s impossible to go anywhere without seeing something that reminds you of a student.  

My husband and I are both teachers, and we have spent so many dinners discussing the funny, sweet, and challenging things our students did that day.  They are like part of our extended family.

Leaving work at work is a hard thing to do in any field, but I think it’s especially hard in service-oriented careers when you work directly with people, especially people/patients/clients/students you care about. You get so emotionally invested that even when the day is long over, work is definitely still on your mind.

To help you stay in the moment with your family and friends, and even just by yourself after the school day ends, Tom and I have tried numerous strategies.  I hope some of these help you!

• Set a time limit for you to talk about work.  It will help you focus in on the important parts of the day that are worth sharing rather than getting caught up in the small details that can drag on
• Listen to a podcast on your way home.  This is a great way to focus on your own interests and distract yourself from work.  It’s almost like a reset for your mind during your commute so you come home ready to focus on your personal life
• Start your afternoon with a walk.  I’ve found getting out in nature really helps you stay in the moment, especially when you have a little one with you!
• If there’s something you really need to finish, stay late and finish it at work.  That way, you can go home without that task hanging over your head and use your free time for you.

4. Don’t schedule anything right after school

This is super simple advice, but it still took me 3 years to figure it out.  With after school traffic, getting anywhere right away is impossible.  And if you’re commuting through multiple towns, you’ll hit the school bus rush at least 3 times on your way to wherever you’re going!

If you need to schedule an after school appointment, make sure you give yourself an extra 20-30 minutes to get there.  You will be so much less stressed when you don’t have to rush.

5. Let students guide you

There will be days where everything goes perfectly according to plans, your students are totally onboard and invested with your lessons, and you and your class are super productive.  And those days are awesome!

But then there are days where everyone is distracted, lessons go totally off the rails, and you feel like you got nothing done. Those days happen to everyone.  And as frazzled as they make you feel, they often end up being the most entertaining days that leave you with the best stories.

Most of your days will go somewhere in between these two extremes.  But they key here is to let the students guide you.  When they’re unfocused, accept it and do something fun with them to burn off the extra energy.  Play a spontaneous game or get them up and moving.

If they’re able to refocus, that’s great! Dive into your planned lessons and take advantage of the momentum.  But if they’re not, accept that they day will be wild and tomorrow will be different.  And then just have fun with it!

Sometimes, the discussions that happen when lessons go off the rails end up being the most meaningful and memorable for all of you.  These moments are a great way to build rapport and form connections with your kids.  Taking a break is good for all of you!

And this same advice goes when a lesson just doesn’t work.  Sometimes, you plan something that you think is so brilliant and wonderful, and the execution doesn’t go anywhere near how you planned.  Let it go, learn from it, and try a new approach tomorrow.

The bottom line is that no matter how organized our lesson plans are, there are so many things we can’t actually plan for.  Adaptability and a good sense of humor are key!

6. Keep a joy jar

The year I got my first classroom, my mom and I were on a joy jar kick.  We had a cookie jar at home that we filled with post-it notes about favorite moments and memories, ticket stubs, and other small pieces of memorabilia to remind us of the wonderful moments that year.

From the first day of that new classroom, I had a joy jar on my desk ready to fill with notes, one-liners, and anything else that made us smile.  And we filled it pretty quickly!

The joy jar has been forgotten some years and conscientiously filled in others.  This weird covid year has me writing quotes on post-its and sticking them to the bulletin board behind my desk.  The best years were when I had the jar in a central place with post-its and pens so students could contribute. 

At the end of the year, it’s so much fun to go through. We empty it out, and I always offer to let them keep their notes.  The ones not taken live in a drawer in my desk that I open on my challenging days.  Rereading the one-liners and accomplishments written by my students never fails to remind me why I love my job.

Try it out.  Make it an intentional part of your classroom routine.  Shout out, “joy jar!” when something great happens.  I hope you love it as much as I do!

7. Make changes right away when lessons don’t work so you don’t forget

When I was a first-year teacher, I made mental notes of things I needed to fix in my lesson plans.  And then I forgot 90% of them and made the same mistakes the following year.

Now I know to either go right into documents and make changes right away or mark up my hard copies with the brightest pen I can find. 

Your days are going to be chaotic.  Most of the time, your memory will only last about 20 minutes.  Making the notes in the moment will make your life so much easier!

8. Use your personal time (and don’t go to work sick)

In my district, we accrue sick days and have one school year to use a small but reasonable number of personal days.  And yet this is the first year I’ve ever used all 3 of my personal days.

Teachers have this thing where they feel like they need to come in every single day.  Even if they’re sick, they’ll tough through it. 

Maybe it’s because they have to proctor standardized testing, or they have a parent meeting, or they are really invested in a lesson.  Or maybe it’s because the hassle of sub plans just doesn’t feel worth it.  Or it could be something else entirely.

And despite the fact that we all do this, we never talk about it! That’s changing now.

Your personal days are your right.  Plan them, take them, and enjoy them! You have them for a reason and you don’t win any prize for leaving them unused at the end of the year.

And if you’re sick, just stay home! I’m so guilty of this one.  You wake up feeling under the weather, you take some Advil, and you figure you can tough through the day.  But then you just feel worse and worse.

Either you stay at work for the whole day, shivering, achy, and miserable while your students watch you with concern and wonder (and continuously ask) what’s wrong with you, or you leave midday, which makes it nearly impossible for your admin to find a sub. 

I’ve lived both of these options, and neither one is fair to you, your students, or your admin.  The next time you wake up feeling under the weather, just stay home.  Worst case scenario you get some extra rest and feel better by the afternoon. 

Those sick days exist for a reason. If you can’t justify taking them for your own benefit, remind yourself that you don’t want to be the reason a student gets sick. 

9. Make teacher friends

Teaching is one of those “baptism by fire” jobs. College courses, graduate school, licensing exams, and student teaching are helpful, but those first days in your very own classroom are like nothing you’ve ever experienced. And the adjustment is a challenge.

This is where your teacher friends come in. When you’re new to a school, making connections with colleagues is so important, but it can also be a little scary to put yourself out there. Luckily, teachers are generally a friendly group, and your colleagues will often come to you to make sure you feel welcomed and comfortable.

Make it a point to seek guidance from the people in your department or grade-level. They will be the most knowledgeable about what you will need to be successful. Learn all you can, but also realize that your teaching style is completely unique and authentically you. Pull in the ideas that work for you, but don’t feel like you need to emulate anyone else.

Eventually, through meetings, passing in the hallways, grabbing snacks from the lounge, and trainings, you’ll find that there are some people you connect with very easily. These connections will eventually grow into friendships you are going to be grateful for.

Teacher friends are special. They’re the ones who will help you brainstorm for lessons, figure out why a student is struggling, or share resources to help you. They are the only ones who will truly understand the simultaneous chaos and joy in every single day because they live it with you.

I am so grateful for my teacher friends and for all the warm, supportive, caring colleagues I’ve had over the years. I truly would have been lost without them, personally and professionally. They’ve been my friends, mentors, counselors, cheerleaders, candy suppliers, and much more, and I feel lucky to support them in the same ways.

For some teacher tricks you can use outside the classroom, check out these 10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People and 11 Ways to Defuse Your Toddler’s Meltdowns. And for heartwarming insight from students, check out this PDF booklet from Kansas State University full of students’ advice for teachers.

What do you wish you knew as a first-year teacher? What is some of the best advice you’ve ever received? What lessons have you learned? Please share in the comments below!